I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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