you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Randomize
