if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
