fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
