omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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