got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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