my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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