your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize