he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Sober January is a disaster.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
