I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize