Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just high enough for therapy.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize