dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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