I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize