i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
