just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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