There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
