I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
