Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
