You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize