So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
