I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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