then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
