Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
