We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
