the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
