She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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