12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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