I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm too high and old for this...
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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