i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
