someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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