Will you blow on my dice?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
