Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize