i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Congratulations! We have a period
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
