I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
