A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
