Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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