I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
tequila makes me forget i have legs
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
