Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
