I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
