I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
