Got a toothbrush?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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