Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
