i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
