After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
