So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
