he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Welp...herpes.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
