Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
