so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you traded sex for a burrito?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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