What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
