So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
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