The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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