the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
