I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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