now i know why i became what i already was.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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