I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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