I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
