all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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