i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
