I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
