I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize