I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
FUCK WHALES
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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