is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
