her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
