I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
