You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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