From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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