While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize