i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
