How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
