I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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