You're completely useless in the revolution.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
