he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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