yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
