I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize