Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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