Tell her she can't have a vagina
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
