Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize