Sponge bath it is.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
