I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
