My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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