he puts the penis in happiness.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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