Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
