he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
