Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
