You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
