kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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