you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
