So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
