if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
