"it" just moved
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
