Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
