I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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