she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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