Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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