oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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