I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
even my farts smell like vagina
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'd cum for enchiladas.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
